Sunday, August 3, 2014

The encyclopedia of bad dates

I was thinking the other day about all the bad dates I've been on. There are a lot of them. I'm starting to think that it's a disproportionately high number of bad dates. So I got to thinking that I should change names and details and turn them into a novel. (I'm always looking for things to turn into novels.) But not just a novel, but like an encyclopedia, where each chapter starts with a definition of a kind of bad date. The bait-and-switch, parental interference, mid-date abandonment, to infinity and beyond, etc. Some of them were so bad that I would actually split them up into multiple definitions, just because it's so unbelievable that so many ridiculous, awful things could happen on one date (but they did. oh, how they did). Others weren't necessarily terrible, but had something weird enough happen that it makes an okay story. Like the time a date and I were walking downtown and someone else started hitting on me. He was really nice about it--I think the other guy may have had developmental delays--but it was funny and weird.

Then I got to thinking of other people I know who have had lousy dates. You know, so I can appropriate their experiences into my book. I think Reva had someone steal a car once? That's pretty epic. I have another friend who had a date try to guess her weight...and he guessed high. I was nice enough to go out with a kid after he told me he had asked everyone else he could think of, but they all said no. (It was exactly as great an evening as you are imagining.)

So yeah. Lots of bad dates. What's your worst?


  1. Hmmm, I don't think I have dated very much, relatively speaking. The worst might have been having my date's friend (it was a group type thing) try and kiss me when my date was in the bathroom.
    Tarzan has dated even less than I. His worst date was the one his mom paid him to go on - and the girl wasn't strange or anything, just the awkwardness of it all because they both knew how it had come about. We're not much help...

  2. Are you kidding? Those are great stories! (my dad once told a guy he should ask me out. And I'm 90% sure he actually gave him gift cards to do it . I'm sure you can appreciate the awkwardness of that evening.)

  3. I have so many to choose from! I even nicknamed them. There was the Provoke Psycho Analitical - "when you brushed by me were you trying to hold my hand?" "I think the date went well. Do you think this relationship could lead to marriage?" Um... we have only been on 1 date... etc. But if you really write a book I have a million more. The kidnapper, the 60k date... the longer you are single the more you have!


Be nice.