Wednesday, December 18, 2013

For humans with affinity for elf culture

We interrupt this complaining about Christmas lyrics and general non-blogging to give you my grand gift idea for all fans of Elf:


Now, I'm not generally a fan of cutesy gifts, but I wanted to do something for our wonderful daycare provider. She's got an empty frame on her wall, so I was going to make something for her to put in it, and I came up with this picture. Add in a sandwich spreader, Nutella, Speculoos, fancy jam, etc., and you've got a fun gift. The great thing is that it's scale-able. Your least expensive option is to tie it to a jar of your homemade jam, which I assume you made to give as neighbor gifts. (I don't give gifts just for people who just happen to live near me, but you might. And those people seem to be the kind who make jam, too.)

Maybe you want a little something more, maybe for a Secret Santa, someone from church, etc. Get yourself an inexpensive spreader to go with your homemade jam [or Nutella or what have you]:

Or if you want a more expensive gift, maybe for the foodie sibling you drew this year:


If you're really a high roller, you could get a Cutco spatula/spreader. But that takes planning ahead, since you can't just get it with Amazon Prime. I can't even link to one, besides from eBay or whatnot.

You can adjust the spreads to fit your budget, too. One jar of Nutella or a whole set of small batch artisan jam from the farmer's market. Maybe some fancy soft cheese and a baguette! Put it in a cute little basket, and voila! the perfect gift for spreading Christmas cheer. Plus it's consumable--not the knive, obviously, but you don't even need that--so it isn't more junk to clog up the recipient's house.

Feel free to use my genius idea. You can even use the crappy picture I made! I majored in English here, people, not graphic design.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

We'll have to muddle through somehow

I have strong views about Christmas music (most of it is terrible, it shouldn't be played on the radio before Thanksgiving, etc.) and I think my strongest opinion is on the song "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas." I am opposed to all versions of the song that include shining stars on the highest bough. Did you even know that there are other, more sensible lyrics? I mean, shining stars are totally apropos of nothing in while merry little Christmassing. The line is supposed to be "Someday soon, we all will be together, if the Fates allow / until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow." Makes way more sense. There's an actual continuity to the lyrics, rather than random shining stars. Who knew?!

Sadly, nearly all versions of this song have the icky, updated lyrics. Judy Garland's is right, of course, and James Taylor has a version, but almost everyone uses Frank Sinatra's version. Gets on my nerves. I like the melancholy of the original version. Maybe not everyone has a merry Christmas? Maybe not everyone loves the holidays? Maybe for a lot of people, you're just muddling through on the hope that next year is better?

So if you ever hear me singing along with this song on the radio, I'm the shmo singing the original lyrics. The good, sad ones.