Tuesday, March 5, 2013

lessons learned

I clearly didn't feel well in February--look how few books I read! Or maybe I forgot some? I am getting stupider, but I think that's all of them.

But, I did learn many valuable things in February. For instance: Flavor-blasted "xtra" cheddar Goldfish crackers come up almost as nicely as they go down. And Jello? Vomiting Jello is like eating it all over again. Highly recommend strawberry Jello. My friend suggests Lucky Charms, but even Lucky Charm burps have been a little nasty lately. Pepperoni pizza, on the other hand, is so far the worst food I've yet to have the misfortune to experience in reverse.

I've also spent considerable time reflecting on barf bags. You guys, I have the most stellar business idea. I've been puking into gallon ziploc freezer bags. They are awesome for this job! (I poked myself in the eye with a quart size; the bigger opening is nicer.) But no one wants to see the contents of your barf bag! So we get some bags made of opaque plastic, package each one with a mint and a tissue--I've yet to figure out how to vomit without getting any on my mouth, plus it makes my eyes water--and we've got a million dollar idea! Smell-proof, leak proof, light and portable...this is an idea whose time has come. Morning sickness; car-, boat-, and plane-related sickness (the waxed bag on planes? ew); elementary schools (my poor mother!); and did I mention morning sickness? Tell me this is not a great idea, I dare you. If you don't believe me, you haven't spent the last six weeks puking your life away.

Speaking of which, I had a doctor's appointment last week and told her of all the puking. I had gotten a prescription for Zofran at my previous appointment, but even that miracle drug could only do so much. She said she doesn't care about nutrition right now, so much as just consuming enough calories. Which is good, since frosted strawberry Pop Tarts don't have a ton of nutritional value, besides calories. But, those are what I need most. The vitamins and Tums round out most of my vitamins and mineral needs. Besides, Lucky Charms are a part of this complete breakfast.

Let me tell you the best thing about being pregnant (for a pudgy person, at least): for the first time in my life, I've been commended for NOT losing weight. It is an achievement! All that puking and I managed to gain a pound or two in about five weeks. Go me! The other weight-related highlight was when I asked how much weight my OB wanted me to gain, and she said 25-30 pounds. Which means she doesn't consider me overweight--even if the arbitrary government guidelines do (developed, I might add, in the first half of the 19th century)--otherwise she would have said 15-20ish. So, yes. Yay for gaining weight!

Well, I meant to tell the story of my parasitic infestation, per popular demand (okay, one person asked) but this is long and it's time for bed, so...there are stories for another day.


  1. I love stories that are continued!
    However, I am so sorry about the puking. I reeeeally hate throwing up and that's about the only up plus I can come up with for never being pregnant. I want to eat Pop-Tarts for breakfast without the guilt.

  2. The only time in you're life you're grateful to be sick because you know the end results will be worth it... hang in there!


Be nice.