Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Valentine's Day is also Arizona's birthday

So NPR pop culture blog editor Linda Holmes tweeted a link to a Salon article today, with the commentary "It's sort of odd (to me) how defensive this is. I promise, I don't care if you celebrate Valentine's Day." Have to say I agree. And it is especially odd when you consider that the woman also wrote an article entitled "Why I eloped--and you should too." Sooo...people who dislike Valentine's day are jerky snobs, but people who want big weddings are wrong and ridiculous?

I'm not really interested in Valentine's Day. When I was single, I'm sure people put it down to sour grapes, but it's really not. I don't really see the point in being bitter. You'll be as single tomorrow as you are today, so why are you extra crabby about it today? And anyway, now I've got a really fabulous husband who would cheerfully get me flowers if I wanted them. Even more swell, I came home today to a clean kitchen and note wishing me a happy almost Valentine's Day. "I figured instead of flowers," he writes, "you would like a clean kitchen." Um, YES, exactly. I haven't felt very well the last while, and it rather shows. Spending your lunch hour cleaning? That says "I love you" to me far more than flowers purchased from a tent in the grocery store parking lot. You guys. The grocery store wants you to buy tokens of your undying love from a tent. In their parking lot.

My objection to Valentine's Day isn't the standard "Hallmark holiday, we should show our love every day" thing. My primary objections are: flowers that last week were twenty dollars are forty this week. Supply and demand, I get it whatever. But if you're going to buy me flowers you might as well have done it last week, or do it next week. I'm too practical for this nonsense. Objection the second: the restaurants are unpleasantly busy. There's nothing romantic or leisurely about going to Texas Roadhouse on Valentine's Day. TRUST ME. And finally: what do you get for men? There's not really a culturally established "I love you" gift for men. Flowers and chocolates and jewelry for a woman, sure, but it seems silly to get roses for a guy. I guess there's cologne, but unless the guy in question is A) fifteen, or B) whatever scent-drenched ethnic group is mocked in your region, you can't do that every year. I got the fabulous husband cologne some cologne two or three years ago and he still has plenty. Cufflinks? Not fancy enough. Clothing? He's nearly picky as I am. Engraved flask? TV seasons on DVD that we'll watch once and then eventually sell online or trade in at Bookmans? We'll just Netflix it.

So we agreed to just go out to dinner some time this week and call it a holiday. He's working tomorrow night anyway, so it all works out pretty well. So uh...what are you doing tomorrow? I'm catching up on Downton Abbey and going to bed early. YES.