Saturday, November 19, 2011

Perfectly normal

I had a hysterosalpingogram on Thursday. Better known as an HSG, because...hi, that's a long word. Basically, they x-rayed my fallopian tubes to make sure they aren't blocked. For those who are queasy about all things uterine, long story short, they're fine. Dismissed. Go look at some lolcats.

For those interested, here's the story. Monday I had blood work done, called to schedule my HSG. It's done at a reproductive endocrinologist's, so my specialist (ob/gyn) referred me to an even special-er-ist. But they think they're not on my insurance, even though the website says they are. So they call the benefits administrator, who literally uses the exact same website that I use to check. The person the doctor's scheduler lady talked to did it wrong and said they weren't on the plan. I called the benefits administrator and we did a conference call with the doctor's. Yes, they are on my insurance. Of course, the procedure is $295 and my deductible is $300, so either way it's costing me the same amount.

The prescribed me 1000 mg of azithromycin to take the night before. Apparently it's pretty common to have a day or two of antibiotics? I guess it makes sense; look at me funny and I'll wind up with a UTI, so might as well take some precautions during diagnostic procedures. But hey, turns out a megadose of antibiotics gives me--as we call it at work--bubble guts. So that was a charming couple of hours before bed.

Thursday morning was a bit of a loss; I was antsy and nervous, and the internet said it could be really painful! The doctor was half an hour away  in Scottsdale, had to get there early for paperwork, etc, so I ended up leaving at 10 for a 10:45 appointment. My ob/gyn said to take 800 mg of ibuprofen an hour beforehand, so I definitely did that, because HSGs make you cramp, apparently.

The office was nice, like if Chipotle and a nice mid-level hotel had a doctor's office baby. (Side note: we discovered when I got back to work that my coworker used to work in that exact same office several years ago, when it was a construction company's office. What are the odds?!) Everyone was super friendly and helpful. I never actually met the doctor I supposedly was referred to. But it's okay, because I really liked the resident who did the procedure. She was great about explaining what she was going to do and what we were looking for and warning me when things my hurt and stuff. Really a very nice woman. And, also, a woman.

Call me ridiculous, but I just prefer female ob/gyns. You know why? Because even though she may never have had an HSG before, she surely has had cramps and pelvic exams, so at least she has a baseline of what it feels like. Don't tell me how bad the cramping is if you don't have a uterus to know what it feels like! So I was actually really glad the she was doing the procedure. No offense to Mr. Very Important Reproductive Endocrinologist. I'm sure he's great.

How it works is they thread a catheter through your cervix, shoot in some contrast, and check to see if the dye spills out through the fallopian tubes into the abdomen. She showed me a picture of what it should look like, warned me that sometimes if one tube spills it can be hard to get the second to spill, but it doesn't mean that it's blocked. But the goal is to get both to spill.

The procedure itself only takes a few minutes. The initial cramping was bearable; basically like your every day menstrual cramps. At one point she warned me that it could get worse, and to tell her if it got bad. Yeah, it was bad. It was like the most intense, terrible cramp I could ever imagine. My eyes started to water and I started to feel really warm. But that didn't last too long, thank goodness.

She injected the dye, and zoom! It flew right through both tubes. Perfect! Absolutely nothing wrong with them. She had to pull it back a little to try to get the contrast to show the uterus (also fine) and that was it. She had to rewind the video to get a still shot for my doctor, it had happened so fast. Go fallopian tubes!

After that, it was back to work with just some mild blahs from the contrast. Apparently stuff splashing around in your abdomen makes it feel kind of like you were suckerpunched in the gut? Not too bad, though. Definitely worth it to be able to cross a potential problem off the list.

Before I left, my friend/coworker had made me stop googling stuff about the HSG, because it was making me crazy. But may I just say these infertility discussion boards just reaffirm to me how much I don't like them? Honestly, people, why are you calling intercourse "BD" (for "baby dancing")? Are you twelve? Or just that ridiculous? If it turns out I can't get pregnant, I am NOT becoming one of those people.

Anyway, now we just have to get Adam checked, and then we're ready for fertility drugs. And then I'm sure to have twins, since it's pretty much one of my greatest fears. I just hope I get a boy and a girl. One and done!