Tuesday, March 30, 2010

For post #250, more Dear So-and-So letters

Dear Fox "Green it. Mean it.", NBC The More You Know, etc.

I will not turn off the water when I'm brushing my teeth until the water is the temperature I want it.  I'm not brushing my teeth with ice water and that's just all there is to it.

Because Sensodyne only goes so far,
Cathie


Dear Martha Stewart,

I really appreciate your magazine.  You have some great ideas.  I particularly enjoy the ideas for decorating eggs in the April issue, and I still think I might do that wool felting technique on my throw pillows.

However, I think we have some fundamental differences in our values.  Quite frankly, I don't care how delicious the butter is, I'm just not paying six dollars a pound for it.  And a $13 plain chocolate bar had better have flecks of gold in it.

But hey, please keep up the good pecan pie recipes.

Because that's a good thing,
Cathie


Attn: man sitting next to us at the theatre
Re: You suck
From: Cathie

If something is so important that you need to receive several phone calls during a performance, perhaps you ought not be at the theatre.  Even if you you reduce the brightness on your phone, it is still distracting to those around you, not to mention INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL to the people on stage.

You are a jerk.

2 comments:

  1. You are always a comedic writer, but I was down-right laughing out loud when I read the letter to the man at the theatre. It was hilarious. It couldn't've been because it was 11:30 at night, though. That had nothing to do with it, I'm sure.

    ReplyDelete

Be nice.