I was responding to Reva's question about the secrecy, and it was getting so long, I figured I should give it its own entry.
First of all, I like to surprise people. (Ask my family.) The bigger the news, the better. I like the reaction of springing incredibly big news on people. Imagine what it will be like on Facebook when I randomly change my name one day. Or post a wedding picture! It will be great. I'm sure it stems from some deep-seated need for power by controlling the information, but whatever. It's fun.
Second, I hate bridal showers. I hate the stupid cutesy games. (The only thing worse are baby shower games.) I don't want to give you a gumball every time I say Adam's name. I don't want to surrender a clothespin every time I say "wedding" or "engaged" or whatever. Even worse are the attempts at public humiliation, generally through overtly sexual channels. And I certainly don't want my friends and wellwishers picking out my lingerie. Bleck. So the less notice people have before the wedding, the less likely they'll throw me a shower. You want to go out to dinner with a bunch of girls? I'm totally game for that. But a traditional shower? No thank you.
Third--and this is the actual and most important reason--is that FH is fairly recently divorced, and his ex-wife...uh...doesn't like the idea of me. Adam and I had been dating less than a week when one of his Facebook friends mentioned it to her, and she went ballistic. She called him at 11 p.m. (when he had to be up for work at 3:30) to bawl him out for having a girlfriend so soon after the divorce. She claimed that we were dating when they were still married, etc. Dude, I didn't even know him when they were married. But who needs facts for a tirade?
So we're trying to prevent word of the marriage from getting to her until after it has actually taken place. I'm sure she'll still pitch a fit, but she'll be powerless to try to stop it or sabotage things. And then hopefully she will just fade into the sunset, as she should have done months ago, anyway.
There you have it, the reasons for the secrecy. I feel safe talking about it here, as I only have like, eight readers, and half of them are blood relatives. Still, I would appreciate your discretion.
"Thanking you in advance,
P.S. Remember that picture I showed you the other day? I might have cropped out a ring box.