Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Why so secret?

I was responding to Reva's question about the secrecy, and it was getting so long, I figured I should give it its own entry.

First of all, I like to surprise people.  (Ask my family.)  The bigger the news, the better.  I like the reaction of springing incredibly big news on people.  Imagine what it will be like on Facebook when I randomly change my name one day.  Or post a wedding picture!  It will be great.  I'm sure it stems from some deep-seated need for power by controlling the information, but whatever.  It's fun.

Second, I hate bridal showers.  I hate the stupid cutesy games.  (The only thing worse are baby shower games.)  I don't want to give you a gumball every time I say Adam's name.  I don't want to surrender a clothespin every time I say "wedding" or "engaged" or whatever.  Even worse are the attempts at public humiliation, generally through overtly sexual channels.  And I certainly don't want my friends and wellwishers picking out my lingerie.  Bleck.  So the less notice people have before the wedding, the less likely they'll throw me a shower.  You want to go out to dinner with a bunch of girls?  I'm totally game for that.  But a traditional shower?  No thank you.

Third--and this is the actual and most important reason--is that FH is fairly recently divorced, and his ex-wife...uh...doesn't like the idea of me.  Adam and I had been dating less than a week when one of his Facebook friends mentioned it to her, and she went ballistic.  She called him at 11 p.m. (when he had to be up for work at 3:30) to bawl him out for having a girlfriend so soon after the divorce.  She claimed that we were dating when they were still married, etc.  Dude, I didn't even know him when they were married.  But who needs facts for a tirade? 

So we're trying to prevent word of the marriage from getting to her until after it has actually taken place.  I'm sure she'll still pitch a fit, but she'll be powerless to try to stop it or sabotage things.  And then hopefully she will just fade into the sunset, as she should have done months ago, anyway.

There you have it, the reasons for the secrecy.  I feel safe talking about it here, as I only have like, eight readers, and half of them are blood relatives.  Still, I would appreciate your discretion.

"Thanking you in advance,
"Bart Simpson."

P.S. Remember that picture I showed you the other day?  I might have cropped out a ring box.


  1. So how does one show you one is excited for you when we can't throw a party, send a gift, or even wish you well because of the short notice? We're just trying to show we care. P.S. any time you want to talk about ex-wives or divorces, Bryan and I have been there, can match story for story, and might have some insights or advice. Just a suggestion.

  2. Who says you can't send a gift? Amazon will ship it straight to my house!

  3. uUGg, I love parties and games, but the cutsey bridal ones make me wanna vomit, tooootally get you there. We had a wedding shower since I had just moved to GA and everyone knew Jared and not me, so it was just a fun open house, until his institute teacher gave us a sex ed book in front of everyone. I was furious!! They are still our friends, and amazing people, but still love to point to our kid(s) and say "Guess that book came in handy, huh?" Barf. So you're good to skip it:) I did have a wedding breakfast with all my girls the day of the wedding since we were all finally in the same place, and had a ball. My MIL was there and she and her daughters thought weird things about the lingere my besties gave me, but I'm not going to apologize for having fun with my sex life. And all they gave me were simple nighties, they would've passed out at all the stuff I had packed in my suitcase.... Oh, that reminds me of my most embarassing moment ever! Ask me about it sometime:)

    And where is the law that he can't date whenever the heck he wants?? There's a reason she's an ex and she's proving that more and more, barf! Really, where does she get the idea she has a say in ANYthing in his life anymore?? Duh, that's why you're an ex, lady:)

  4. Catha and I are closer to the same boat. I'm with someone who's been divorced, but I myself have never been married. Being the "I'm just livin my life, and happy I found the good traits in this man that you missed" person with a crazy weird ex on your tail is kinda different.

    I've shown I'm excited without all the frou-frou-ness. I told her! And I'm buying her a gift, but I'm giving it to her closer to day-of. Yes, it's kinda homemade. More like "from the heart"!
    Good for you about the lingerie part: I hate that moment more than the dumb games. That's a personal thing. Not a public joke.

  5. No,no,no. I pretty much agree with everything. We just had my baby shower, minus the goofy games, and it was great. And bridal shower games are way more awkward. I'm just saying.

  6. Yeah, I threw a baby shower in September, and it was delicious food and sitting around talking. No guessing the circumference of her belly or anything.

  7. I read about one where everyone wrote down all their worries and they threw them into a fire. They did lots of cute stuff to emotionally and spiritually support and encourage the mother. Love it.

  8. I get the need to keep the creepy chick out of the loop but there ARE people who can throw great showers without pukey games.
    And so what does that mean for when the wedding is?


Be nice.